Wednesday, April 23, 2014

we are just like you

This morning I happened to stumble upon this Military Wife link up, The Real Military Wives of Blogland. The sole purpose of the link up is to spread the word on the true meaning of being a military wife. And how can I not participate and do my part?

Ya'll know the gist of how I feel about working military spouses from this post. You know that "military spouse" does not define me. You know that I have a career, and will always. No matter where the military says I have to live. Just like being a military wife, it's just part of who I am. There are so many things that define me. And my husband would agree that the military does not define him, either.

      This was our first picture together

Jonathan and I met through mutual friends one night when I was out with some of my girlfriends. We spent the entire night talking. At one point, everyone was outside, and we were still sitting at the table talking. We found out that first night that we had the same birthday, which I confirmed after I asked for identification :)

He left without asking me for my phone number and I was totally bummed, but I moved on with my life. A few days later our mutual friend asked if it was okay if she gave him my number. And of course I said yes, and really, the rest is history.

My husband is a first class petty officer in United States Coast Guard. We moved from Portland, Ore. to St. Petersburg, Fl. to Los Angeles, Calif., where we live now. He has nine more years until he can officially retire. And we can settle back in Portland with our friends and most importantly, our families.

I don't love this military lifestyle, but I have been blessed to have met several other military wives who will be my friends for eternity. They understand me and what I am going through and know exactly what to say (and what kind of wine to pour in my glass) when days get hard and down right frustrating. And for that, I will forever be grateful for this lifestyle.

My situation is much different than a lot of other military wives. In the Coast Guard, sailors aren't deployed (unless of course you volunteer, but that's a different story). Depending on the job, a Coastie could go out to sea for 1 day to 6 months at a time (if at all). I have been lucky in that my husband has only been away for a maximum 4 weeks. I give major props to Army and Marine wives, who go through their entire pregnancies without their husbands and in some cases give birth to their children without them by their side. Major props! Those women go through a lot more than anything I could ever imagine.

I made a comment to my husband yesterday that I was scared to go to my 16 weeks check up appointment without him (he's gone to the other appointments with me, but had something at work he had to be there for). I was scared that something might be wrong, or what if something goes wrong or they can't find the heartbeat? I would be alone in the room with my own emotions and would probably uncontrollably cry for who knows how long. These pregnancy hormones are out of control! But honestly, I was down right scared to be alone. He proceeded to tell me that I was most definitely not alone. And that he was only a phone call and drive away. He also pointed out that he could be deployed oversees and I could REALLY be doing this all on my own, that real women do that everyday, and I should consider myself lucky, not alone. And you know what? He's right.

I am lucky. Lucky to have found a husband who I love and care for, and receive the same love and care back. Lucky that I get to explore different parts of America with him and our growing family. Lucky that I get to go home to my partner in crime each night. I am just plain lucky, in love and happy. Isn't that what everyone wants?

If there is one thing I wish people knew about military wives it's that we are all human. We are all unique in our own way. Just like all of the other non military wives. We are all LUCKY in our own way. We are all fighting our own battles, in our own way and down our own chosen path.

We are just like you. 

Mal Smiles


  1. Stopping over from the linkup, I feel the same way you do. I have maintained my won identity through this military life. Our husbands choose to serve, and we choose to support them! I did have my second son without my husband it is no bueno....I couldn't imagine how he felt on the other end of things as well! But glad I found your blog :)

  2. Good post! It's kind of weird how many things about you that I relate to. I was married in my 20's for 8 years to someone with the same birthday, I have a cat named Luna (we changed it to Dahlia when we adopted her since my Marine thought it meant crazy), and I've been gluten free since 2005. My blog is Gluten Free Bree, actually. The best gluten free donut I've had so far is Do-Rite Donuts in Chicago, a different flavor or two made fresh every day. I have pics on twitter @glutenfreebree and/or my blog. Hope you find a favorite, too!

  3. Swinging by from the link up! Great post! I love that you highlighted how not all of us are just dedicated to being a military spouse. Like you, I have a full career outside of being a military spouse. Is the military life always conducive to my career? No, but I make it work. I need my own thing to do, too.

  4. Stopping over from the link up. I too am more than a military wife and can totally relate

  5. Found your blog through the link up (bummed I found the link up too late to join!), but was excited so see a coastie wife on there! Love this post and that you are not just a military wife, that is a positive to them being underway, we know we are going to have time to do things we enjoy with out them (such as girl time!). My husband did volunteer to deploy and spent a little over a year in Bahrain. While it did suck, I felt a little more prepared because of his work schedule prior! Congrats on your pregnancy, make sure you pick up "Goodnight Ocean", it's a children's book that mentions the coast guard!


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